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  • Dr. Tanginika Cuascud

15 Reasons Why Women Don’t Want Sex

Women’s low sexual desire may be frustrating for their partners. Unfortunately, low libido afflicts many women and create distress in their intimate relationships and frustration on the partner that wants more sex. But why would women not want sex?

Here are some reasons:

  1. Too tired: Undeniably, the physical and emotional demands on women can leave them too exhausted to want to have sex. Solution: Share the load. If the partner wants more sex, negotiate more help.

  2. Too busy: Work, children, family, friends, house work, etc. are all time consuming and sometimes they take up all the viable time and energy for sex. Solution: Learn to say no and prioritize you!

  3. Boredom: Many women won’t admit that they are bored with their sex life. Some dream of the passion they see in movies or read in romance novels. Solution: Both partners should have openness regarding fantasies and take turns to create spicy sexual encounters.

  4. Hormonal: Women’s hormones change daily, weekly, monthly, yearly. In fact, hormones may change in a day! Hormonal changes and imbalances can lead to low libido and fatigue. Moreover, hormones may be responsible for vaginal dryness, which makes sex uncomfortable and painful. Solution: Maintain open communication and a healthy lifestyle. If hormones are a problem, seek medical attention.

  5. Physiological: Illness, fatigue, and disability can contribute to low sexual desire. Solution: Make your health a priority.

  6. Psychological: Stress, anxiety, sadness, and depression can bring down sexual desire. Solution: Learn coping skills and seek help if these issues become too much of a burden.

  7. Not attracted to partner: This is a tough one but I have actually heard women confess (privately) that they love their partners but they are not physically attracted to them anymore. Solution: As hard as it may be to say this or hear about a partner’s lack of sexual attraction towards the other, communicating (with tact and compassion) may lead to positive changes.

  8. Negative attitudes about sex: Women are taught that if they want sex, they are not worthy. Especially after motherhood, many women don’t feel like they can be sexual anymore. The notion that sex is dirty and not lady-like may prevent women from enjoying it. Solution: Examine your attitudes about sex and challenge yourself to new beliefs.

  9. Lack of intimate connection: When women feel emotionally disconnected from their partners, they usually don’t want sex. Moreover, if women think that their partners only want sex from them for their own enjoyment, sex becomes less appealing. Solution: Communication! Both partners should work actively to rekindle the romance. If you have persistent relationship troubles, seek help.

  10. Relationship woes: Conflict, tension and dysfunction in a relationship are not fuel for sexual desire. Solution: Talk to a professional. Counseling by an objective party can steer things in the right direction.

  11. Lack of love: We all want to think that love is forever but that is not the case for all. When love dies, many times the sexual desire dies with it. Solution: Professional counseling may help bring back the relationship or work towards a healthy resolution.

  12. A third party involved: Infidelity can kill sexual desire toward the partner. Solution: Seeking and following advice from a professional is a worthy investment.

  13. Resentment: Resentment is like a bank account that accrues interest even when we are not aware. Resentment leads to anger and anger is a passion killer. Solution: Work on solving the underlying issues that fuel that resentment.

  14. Body image issues: Aging, weight changes, surgeries, and low self esteem can make women insecure about their looks and therefore reluctant to engage in sex. Solution: Work on self image and self love.

  15. Pain: Painful sex and penetration disorders, body aches, headaches and chronic pain are not motivators for sexual activity. Solution: If you are suffering from pain, seek professional attention to learn how to get rid of it or manage it.

Women should make themselves and their sexuality a priority. Our sexual enjoyment is a right and sex is a healthy expectation of a healthy relationship. Refraining from living a pleasureable sex life and the prospect of losing a relationship because of it should not be an option.

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