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  • Dr. Tanginika Cuascud

Find Your Pleasure!

Sexual pleasure is a gift. We can enjoy this gift by ourselves or by sharing it in a reciprocal way. As many women complain that they do not have satisfactory sexual relations, I wonder if you know exactly what pleasures you and how to guide your lover to pleasure you the way you want and need to be pleasured.

In a culture in which sexual pleasure has demonized, just like all things sexual, there is a phobia to experience pleasure. Those who experience it often times live in shame and experience loads of guilt.

Those who openly embrace, live and accept their pleasure are often signaled out and condemned. But pleasure is nothing to be ashamed of.  An important way to find your pleasure is to learn your body. And a very pleasurable, helpful and essential way to find your pleasure is through masturbation. So indulge and give yourself permission to touch yourself in different ways, in different positions, applying different levels of pressure, in different parts of your body.  Exercise: Find a private and quiet place and a comfortable position. Relax by breathing and visualizing your glorious self in total bliss. Make sure the room is the right temperature, the right lighting and that you will enjoy total privacy.

Slowly, get rid of your clothes and pay attention to how you feel when you do. This exercise is about exploration and discovery. Do it slowly, in peace and with an open mind. If you feel shame or guilt during this experience, replace those thoughts with the affirmation “I deserve sexual pleasure”, and continue. If you need to pause, it is OK.

Whatever you feel, it is OK. If you feel that touching your lips slightly feels good, enjoy it! If touching a part of your body makes you feel uneasy, move on to the next part. Touch all parts of your body before reaching your genitals.

Caress yourself with love, compassion, lust and openness.  Once you are aroused, do more of what feels pleasurable and give in to the wonderful sensations you are experiencing. Breathe, moan, growl, laugh, scream…it is OK.

Abandon yourself in the waves of joy of your own pleasure and own it. Do this often and never cease to try to find new ways of pleasuring yourself. Use your hands at first so you get to know your body without any assistance until you master your pleasure.  Your body is beautiful and it is a wonderful gift. When you know your pleasure you can live it and share it. Your sexual pleasure is a gift and it’s also your right!

Photo: In her own time, Jim Young,

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